Nov 8, 2012

Postpartum recap

I haven't posted about "me" in a while.  Not that anyone really cares about me anymore, right?  :o)

I will be 7 weeks postpartum what's to recap about me?

I had my check up with the OB/GYN November 1st, I am officially down 23lbs from delivery - wahoo!  So I'm actually 8lbs less than pre-pregnancy.  I am hoping I can keep it off and continue losing weight, cause up to now I haven't done anything.  He gave me the "all clear" and I'm scheduled to go back next Thursday 11/15 and have the Paragard inserted.  Paragard is a non-hormonal IUD that can stay in place for up to 10yrs.  It's wrapped in copper which somehow assists in preventing sperm from doing their job and from what I understand it basically floats in your uterus and prevents anything from attaching to the uterine lining.  I was on birth control non stop for almost 8yrs...every thing from Yasmin, Ocella, Orthotrycyclin-Lo, Loestrin24FE, Ortho evra patch, Nuvaring bla bla bla.  I actually loved the Nuvaring, but it was on the expensive side.  I have suffered from migraines for the past 6yrs and after finally discovering they are hormonal, I felt it best to cut any synthetic hormones from my life.  Especially since they're discovering that synthetic hormones can do us more harm than good.

Anyway back to the present.  I am looking forward to the Paragard and not having to think about popping a pill and hopefully pregnancy for a long time to come.

Backing up to just after delivery...

I apparently tore in three different places so I had to be stitched up.  It was pretty uncomfortable, but nothing to cry about.  I used the squirt bottle the hospital supplied, and somehow that warm water worked wonders.  I also used Dermoplast spray at the recommendation of my friends/fellow bloggers and it was a huge help as well.  To keep it real, the only time I was ever "in pain" was sitting on a hard service or when I squatted to use the bathroom.  After about 2 weeks the stitches weren't as painful anymore and I felt semi-back to normal.  But once the places were my stitches were was tolerable, the front of my pubic bone hurt.  It felt like a ton of pressure was baring down every time I stood up or walked.  It literally felt like someone had kicked me in the pleasure zone...really awkward.  Of course I googled it, because I wasn't going to text any of my girl friends using the C word ha ha.  According to some answers I found while GOOGLING, that feeling is pretty common.  Has something to do with your pelvis opening up during labor and of course the pressure of the baby during delivery...hence it feeling 'bruised'. I experienced postpartum bleeding for a total of 3.5 weeks.  That wasn't as bad as I expected thankfully.

For the first month after birth I was in rough shape mentally.  Aside from the lack of sleep, I was intimidated by this little baby, this sweet girl.  If she cried and I couldn't figure out why right away I stressed out.  At the hospital when I would try to breastfeed, the lactation nurses weren't always readily available and my nurses did the best they could, but didn't always have the trick of the trade so to speak.  Of course Persephone would latch on almost perfectly when they were in the room, but as soon as they left she would start to shake her head from side to side (they call this rooting) even though my nipple was right in her mouth.  I wanted to give up several times especially throughout the night during my stay at the hospital because we just couldn't figure each other out.  My mom would help and Hardy would help as best as they could, but still emotionally I was fighting.

When they brought me my discharge papers and told us they were going to send her home with a biliblanket for jaundice I felt like I had done something wrong.  Jaundice is "cured" so to speak by peeing and pooping...well since breastfeeding wasn't going great, her pooping had slowed down.  I later learned via her pediatrician that I could have supplemented formula just to help push all of that out of her system.  None of the nurses ever told me I could and I am angry about that.  I know breast is best...but come on, how can helping a baby rid it's body of Jaundice be a bad thing??  They swore and swore even if she was only getting a couple of drops of milk it was ok nutrition wise, but supplementing formula may have prevented her from needing an additional 24hr hospital visit.

During her 24hr hospital stay the nurse brought me a pump and I began pumping every 2hrs.  Those pumps are amazing...Medela brand of course and electric.  Hardy looked it up on Amazon while we were there and I want to say the model I used was listed at $1,350!!!  Once we went home for good I continued pumping every 2-3hrs and feeding her my breast milk via bottle.  I tried again once or twice to get her to breastfeed, but it just didn't work.  I had it set in my mind then at that point I would just exclusively pump.  Day in and day out pumping, pumping, pumping....and it started getting to me.  Even during the middle of the night, if Hardy was feeding her by bottle, I would get up and pump.  It was physically and emotionally draining.  On top of trying to get the hang of this new baby and being a mom, I had to fool with expressing milk from my giant boobs.  I was losing it and losing it fast.  I talked to several friends to try and get some moral support, but ultimately it didn't help.  I would feel encouraged for a few hours or even a day or two and then fall right back into my slump.

After talking to my mom and other family members I made the decision to switch to formula.  I shed tears over it, I felt like a failure.  I had milk specifically designed just for my baby that was supplied for FREE, what was the big deal?  It came down to being happy and enjoying motherhood.  If 6 months from then someone had asked me what was the best moment of her first month of life, I may not have been able to give a straight answer because all I could remember is the stress of pumping.  I talked with her pediatrician about it and I thought for sure he was going to chew me out, but he didn't.  He nicely said "I'm sure there are plenty of NFL players and gymnasts who were formula fed."  So since October 10th, she's been on formula, period, end of story.

Once I got past that decision, then I wondered how in the world I would stop my milk.  I read story after story online about it and decided to do it cold turkey.  My nipples were already hella sore and peeling (gross) and I had had enough.  What I read online helped me a lot.  I really only had 1 day of straight up engorged painful boobs, past that was just leaky boobs.  I wore nursing pads in my bra for 2 weeks until they stopped.  I did NOT pump to relieve any pressure from engorgement and I used cold cabbage leaves to help with swelling.  Aside from smelling like coleslaw, the cabbage leaves really were an easy fit in your bra compared to a hard bag of ice or veggies.  I felt like a hippie when I was finally able to go to bed bra free..

Since switching to formula, my stress level has decreased tremendously and I feel it's helped me get to know her needs better and of course bond with her.  Today I do not regret my decision to go to formula.  For our family it's what needed to happen.  I truly believe I was on the road to postpartum depression which wouldn't have been good for any of us.


Vajayjay - healed
Boobs - back to normal and thank god my nipples are too
Mentality - great

As of 11/2 Persephone weighed a whopping 10lbs 6oz, she's my own sack of potato's!


  1. I'm glad you are doing better and are having less stress in your life. My kids have been formula fed from the minute they were born born and they are the healthiest kids I know. I would not worry at all baout feeding her formula. I think it is much more important for you to be happy. Enjoy every second with Miss P, it goes by way too fast!

  2. I agree with Liz. My son was also formula fed from the very beginning and he is super healthy. I would not worry for one second about it. You made a good decision!

  3. I third that, I was enable to produce for my girls, and I REALLY wanted to for the twins, but apparently my body was just uncooperative. All 4 of mine were formula fed and are all smart, happy, healthy girls! Great job for choosing what was best for you and the family! You are going to be an awesome mom!