Jul 13, 2011

A Letter To My Period

Dear Tag Along,
            We’ve known each other for fourteen (14) years.  Can you believe it?  We’ve had a fairly decent relationship.  You’ve always been every 28-30 days; I could almost set a clock to your schedule. Causing only mild cramps and backaches, an occasional wicked migraine, but I get through it. 
Two weeks ago, however, you really caused some stress when you didn’t show up...zip…nadda…nothing.  I tested and tested, but continued getting negative results.  In fact, I had almost convinced myself I might be pregnant and the tests were just being retarded.  I also thought I could have been abducted by aliens and they implanted an alien life form in me and it was only days before it busted out of me like some crazy sci-fi movie. I was baffled, turning to friends to see if they’ve ever had this issue, but ultimately I just had to wait it out. 
After 14 days…(funny how we’ve known each other 14yrs and you decide one month to be 14 days late) I decide to visit the doctor to figure out what in the world was going on with me.  THE DAY I actually went to see my physician about your absence you show up…what kind of friendship is that? 
In the words of Stephanie Tanner from Full House “HOW RUDE!!”
Now that you’re back, you’re being a real BRAT!!  I do not find it humorous that you tricked me, and that now you’re back; you are trying to hit me with every possible ailment related to your visits all at once.  What did I ever do to you?  Why are you being so cruel and sassy?  Just like a woman to stab me in the back after years of loyalty.  I just want to let you know that one day…. when I actually AM pregnant I will laugh as loud as I can, from mountains, rooftops and maybe even off the wing of an airplane because I won’t have to deal with your attitude problems for an entire 9 months!!  How about that Miss Priss?!
I expect a prompt apology.
Sincerely your pal,
Amanda Jones

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