Bye Bye Paragard - Hello....what?!?!

This is one of my more personal blog posts.  

So if you aren’t a woman and don’t give a hoot about

periods/birth control…etc then stop reading now.

This is your last warning....

After experiencing some pretty severe pains for three consecutive month’s right before my period, I visited my doctor.  He did an ultrasound to look for any abnormalities and couldn’t find anything.  He said the pain could be endometriosis, but the only true way to find out is through a diagnostic laparoscopy.  I debated on doing the laparoscopy, thinking even if nothing was found I would have peace of mind.  But after talking with the hospital and my insurance, that crap is TOO EXPENSIVE right now!  So my final thought was getting the Paragard (non hormonal IUD) removed to see if maybe it’s contributing to the painful PMS.  

 **You can read a more in depth post about that HERE 

I called my OBGYN’s office and scheduled to have it removed.  My appointment was scheduled for Wednesday August 6^th.  I was nervous about going in, as I’m sure most women are.  There’s no part of having a doctor in your nether regions that screams EXCITEMENT!  I will say the removal wasn’t as uncomfortable as the insertion.  He must have asked me 4 million times if I was sure I wanted it removed….I appreciated that actually.  I feel like a lot of doctors these days just want you in and out without really caring about your feelings.  

Sidenote: In my mind, I envisioned this little T shaped device to be totally gross.  I mean it had been inside my body for nearly 2yrs.  But when he removed it, he asked if I wanted to see it – I surprised myself because I said yes hahahaha.  It looked normal…nothing weird or gross.  Maybe after it’s been in there longer it would look a little rough.  

Since the Paragard is non-hormonal I’ve always had normal 28 day cycles.  One wouldn’t think removing it would affect your body.  My period was due August 20^th.  Well the 20^th came and went, as did the 21^st, 22^nd, 23^rd.  We definitely aren’t TRYING to conceive, but I learned “after” I had the Paragard removed that you should probably avoid doing the deed without extra protection a week leading up to the removal.  

On Saturday I did 2 pregnancy test (both were ANSWER brand).   

One was your normal pee on a stick; the other was a lab strip like what most doctors offices would use.  The stick showed negative, but the lab strip came up positive within 1-2 minutes.  I was kind of freaked out.  How do you get a positive and a negative on the same day!?!

You can see from this picture - it might have been light, but a positive is a positive 

(or at least that's what the millions of fertility/baby/pregnancy forums will tell you)

Compare it to the first positive I received with Persephone 

(I actually tested the day my period was due with her)

 

So the next day, I decided to buy another box, same brand..same kit.  This time both tests showed negative.  Talk about being confused…I decided to just go to my doctor as soon as they opened on Monday.  Even if I was pregnant, why in the hell wasn't my period here yet.  I went in, provided them the appropriate chalice of gold and waited.  NEGATIVE.  Here I am sitting 5 days late, not pregnant and no period.  Mother nature always has a way of being ironic because after I left, here came my period.

::insert Alanis Morissette's hit::

I asked the nurse why I would have gotten a positive – are false positives really a thing?!  She explained it was most likely a chemical pregnancy (early miscarriage) – I’d never heard the term.  Apparently they happen more often than reported because the pregnancy ends before it ever really begins and your period is just a few days late, so most women don't ever test.  In layman's terms: the egg is fertilized, but never attaches to the uterine wall.  Your body starts producing hCG (what pregnancy tests detect), but the levels eventually drop since implantation doesn’t occur.  I googled and googled the yesterday and it is apparently very common.

When I think of the term miscarriage, I always think of it being after you’ve heard the heart beat, after you’ve seen that first ultrasound.  I thought about leaving that word altogether off this post.  I don’t feel like this situation comes anywhere near what most women experience when a miscarriage occurs.  But I can’t say it doesn’t make me feel a little weird.   

Part of me wishes I had never tested in the first place, because I would never know that something “tried” to happen.  Does that make sense?  I feel like even classifying it as a miscarriage is like me complaining about a paper cut to someone who had their hand amputated.  

My old trusty BFF is here with a vengeance I might add.  I didn't have any of the pains I have experienced in the past few months, but now I'm not sure if that's because my body pretended to be pregnant or if the Paragard is out.  Until September....

Now I can go back to being the irritable Amanda everyone loves so dearly.