Jan 22, 2015

Swamps of Sadness

One of my favorite childhood movies is The Neverending Story.  I've watched it over 100 times at least in my lifetime.  If you've seen it, and you're familiar with the characters this will make sense to you.  There's a warrior, Atreyu who the people of Fantasia enlist to stop "the nothing" from destroying their world.  As Atreyu is on this journey with his horse, Artax...they have to travel through the swamps of sadness.  Artax begins to sink until he's submerged, despite Atreyu trying to pull at his harness and get him to keep walking, he stops trying.  This is the most heartbreaking part of the movie.

Yesterday we found my 10.5yr old cat Tinkerbell unresponsive.  She was a few pounds overweight and "old" in cat years, but acted normal.  We had been playing in Persephone's room, which is directly across from the bathroom.  Persephone wanted to play with her night light - which I didn't piece together until today was actually a Tinkerbell night light.  Now I feel as if it all happened right around that moment Persephone talked about it.   I told Hardy to plug it into a bathroom outlet since that would be the darkest room mid-day.  He entered the room, I saw him move his leg and then he returned to Persephone's doorway to deliver the news.

I immediately jumped up, I laid on the floor next to my sweet Tink sobbing.  I stroked her hair, tried squeezing her paws and petting her where I knew a conscious Tink wouldn't put up with. I was so confused, still am.  What could I have done differently?  Why did I push her away last time she wanted to lay in my lap?  Why didn't she come find me first?  Did Flower (our other cat) know this was coming?  Where do I bury her?  Did I see her breathe?

My heart was slowly breaking into a million pieces.  I could hear Hardy trying to keep Persephone occupied in another room, she was freaking out only because she could hear me crying.  I called my mom, called my friend/co-worker and fellow cat lover Pamela then sucked it up and went to Hardy and Persephone.  We obviously didn't let her see Tinkerbell or told her what happened, she wouldn't understand at her age.  It's not like she seeks the cats out, she only interacts if they're in her general line of vision.

Once we had a chance to hug one another, we plugged in the Tinkerbell night light in the hallway and let Persephone play.  I called my sister in law, asked her and my brother to come get Tink and bury her for me.  This is one downfall to living in a townhome community, the property outside isn't 100% yours.  Plus with the house on the market, I didn't want us to "leaver" her behind.  They showed up about 20min later.  I said my final goodbyes and watched as Hardy got a Disneystore.com box, he lined it with the bathmat that she was obsessed with, wrapped her in a towel and laid her down.  I didn't want to bury her, I can't do that right now.  She's currently buried with some of my sister in laws cats and other beloved animals who have passed.

I miss you terribly Tinkerbell (aka Tink, Tinkydink, Stinkerbell)

4/4/2004 - 1/21/2015

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for sharing that....(tears, tears and more tears) May she R.I.P and may you see her on the other side......Hugs my dear friend