The Goodbye

sur·re·al

[suh-ree-uhl, -reel] 
 
–adjective
 
1. of, pertaining to, or characteristic of surrealism; surrealistic.
2. having the disorienting, hallucinatory quality of a dream; unreal.
 
 
Since Friday February 25th my life has been surreal, a dream....more like a nightmare I guess. 
 
::Warning...this part is sad::
 
I miss her, I miss her so much.  I keep trying to hear her laugh in my head, see her smile, blink, hug, talk....I just keep trying to picture her alive and "in action" if you will.  But I'm noticing those things are already fading from my mind.  Because the last three months when I've seen her, she's been ill and not exactly herself. 
 
I had the pleasure of seeing her on Friday 2/25/11 hugging her, telling her I love her and just talking to her about anything and every thing.  I made the decision when I left that day not to go back and see her again because I didn't know how many times I could say goodbye and I didn't want to see her slowly deteriorating.  Monday my mother got a call from some family that has been staying with my grandparents said as of that morning she was unresponsive and in a lot of pain.  The hospice nurse stopped by and explained we wouldn't have long, that she would probably pass within a few hours. 
 
My mom immediately left work (in Birmingham, AL) and I met her off I-20 two hours later.  We rode over to my grandparents house and sat, waiting for her to peacefully slip away. By the time we'd gotten there she was in a coma and only breathing because of the oxygen she was connected to.  She was fighting it so hard.  At 2:38pm she passed away with all of us in the room.  It was then that I realized she was not recovering from this, this was it...the leukemia had won.  A woman with so much dignity had withered down to someone thin, fragile and weak, so weak.  I couldn't believe this was our grandmother...it couldn't be. 
 
After the trauma had passed through the room, we one by one told her we loved her....I kissed her on the cheek.  I made a few phone calls/texts to spread the news of her passing.  Just when you thought you were at terms with her passing away, you would have to tell it to someone and the world began crashing again.  Before my mom and I left their house that day, I told her outside cat, Bart, that his mommy had passed on.  I watered all of her plants throughout the house and gave my granddaddy a tight hug.
 
Her funeral was Wednesday at 1pm.  She had an array of beautiful flowers from friends, family and loved ones.  My younger brother, Trevor, read a poem he'd written aloud during her service and two cousins followed with a eulogy and a song.  I am back at work today but I still feel like I've been coming in and out of a different world.  I feel like being at home and work is my normal life and the all the time I have spent with family these last few days I've been away, far away.
 
 
In Loving Memory
Betty W. Fulbright
May 26, 1934 - February 28, 2011
 
You Wonder Why I Went Away
 
You wonder why I went away
and did not say goodbye,
I could not bear to tell you
for it hurts to see you cry.
 
My ship came in
and beautiful to see,
for the captain was King Jesus
and he softly beckoned me.
 
I ran across the leeway
and fell down at His feet.
He gently took me in His arms,
my rest is now complete.