Friday I took off work and went with my mom, stepfather and little brother to visit my grandmother. The news as of last Monday was that the doctors said there was nothing else they could do for her, that the leukemia (which I've now learned was ALL - Acute lymphoblastic leukemia) was too far advanced. My grandmother has been such a trooper through all of this. Three rounds of chemotherapy, I don't know how many trips to the doctor. I don't think either of us were prepared for what we were about to see...poor thing has dwindled away so much.
She is getting so close to be in heaven. She's bed ridden, thin, covered in bruises, lost some aspects of vision, she can barely speak, can hardly chew food, and her comprehension is slacking. This is not my grandmother, it can't be. My grandmother is an active chipper ole' lady. But despite her physical appearance, I hugged her tightly, told her I love her so very much and she did the same. Even if she doesnt have the strength to roll over in bed, she gave one hell of a hug. The hospice nurse told us it can turn at any moment now, in her professional opinion my grandmother would probably not be with us next weekend.
How does one handle news like that?? None of us want her to suffer anymore, in fact I think we all hoped this was reversable....but truth is its not. She is very very sick and right now she is just waiting on the train to heaven to make it's stop at her house.
I remember when we went to see my aunt in hospice (also with cancer). I looked at her and lost it, i was the only one out of my siblings that really remembered her before because everyone else was so young when we moved from chicago. She looked back at me and said "aw its okay danielle dont cry". Just thinking of that now still makes me very very sad. You are neber ready for someone to pass, even in that situation. And its okay to cry about no matter how long ago it happened.
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